difficult sleep

i've got swollen eyes today.. lol
i donknow when i got sleep..
but just knowing that i cried..
pillow was all wet..
my heart was strongly pain..
all through the night things.. memories
that i was being with him were all flooding back..
i just cant control myself from being not to cry..
so i just cried.. for nothing.. haha.. stupid!
moreover i asked kad not to be cry and be strong
but tat was me.. the one who cry.. lol?

it has been 2 months that i live without u in my life..
and this past 2 months i rejected two people..
the most recently refusal was yesterday night..
that night i was thought of am i still loving him?
is that i havent been able to get out of him from my heart?
or i am afraid.. afraid to be hurt again by someone else..
as i know i can be strong always.. but i feel scared..
i need someone to love me to care about me to worry about me
really wanna someone can hold me can hug me in his arms..
i just need someone like that.. but i scared..
a stupid coward i am.. extremely stupid!!
i scare at last i will still facing the same consequence
that u will leave me alone just with tat three words.. 'i am sorry'..
i was scared enough of that.. that was really really painful..

thank you.. i believe i will be able to let go the past as fast as i can..
value the present and facing the future.. =P *wink*